:)

I can't wait for summer: concerts. shows. parties. drinking. driving without drinking. road trips. sex. interesting and mature guys. intelligent girls. friends with benefits. mindfuck films. tarantino and stanley kubrick. Charlie Kaufman. good books. hype music. never sleeping when im supposed to. Being with tori and harley 24/7. meeting new people. sitting on my roof. having philisophical conversations into the depths of the night. dancing. moshing. not giving a fuck. working. the canal club. Hoes and Housewives. Warped Tour. The Beach. Xavier;). ah, fuck school. this is going to be a fun summer. :)

:DD

Ah this weekend was a lot of fun and last night was amazing.
Can't get him off my mind though, i'm completely fascinated..
Like WOAH.
I've gotten 4 hours of sleep in the past 72 hours though, so I should probably get to sleep.

Damn melatonin.

I cannot seem to sleep.
Currently I am:
Moshing to A Day To Remember and Asking Alexandria. XD
Ranting....
sexting ;)
Listening to people drag race.
.....Pointless post.
hm..i'm a little nervous for this weekend on the low.

That's a cool a$$ picture.

SKIPPIN'

Skipped school today with Harley. It was a lot of fun. even chilled with some guy brandon we met. random but fun. I just want that open road.
"I didn't want that long face in the long run..."-Me.
"LMFAOOOOOOOOO!!!!! HAHAHAHHA"-Harley.
:)
I should skip more often.

You and me we stand for somethin'.

This song does a good job of explaining how I feel.

It seems I end up in the same situation a lot.

Confused. so confused.

What's going on..I mean my reality can't be that distorted.

I hate complaining, but i'm not i'm questioning.

I really, just wish I understood. 

I want you....

but you're like 1,000

and that's onsale...

:')

PICK ME UP.

Brings back memories of the weekend<3333
I saw the most amazing dude at Panera today.
He was some sort of a business lawyer and he was going on a rant to some coworker of his.
He talked to passionately and badass. Like he was in a courtroom.
Well,random business guy,you made my day. :)

RANT.

"Memory can change the shape of a room; it can change the color of a car. And memories can be distorted. They're just an interpretation, they're not a record, and they're irrelevant if you have the facts."

"Sometimes I'm afraid that you'll tell me that this is not a work of fiction. I can only hope that the answers will come to me in my sleep. I hope that when the world comes to an end, I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to."-Donnie Darko.

"Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world..i feel like I can't take it...like my heart's going to cave in."-American Beauty.

"Every passing moment is another chance to turn it all around."-Vanilla Sky.

Oh, I dunno. I mean I'd like to believe I'm not but I just... I've just never seen any proof so I... I just don't debate it anymore, you know? It's like I could spend my whole life debating it over and over again, weighing the pros and cons and in the end I still wouldn't have any proof so I just... I just don't debate it anymore. It's absurd.

I love film. I want to be a filmmaker. I want a camera. I want to create great stories like these men do. I want stories about darkness, and subjective reality, and philosophy, and love, and sexual tension, and conflict, and hope, and courage.<3 I love writing, but film is where it all began. (Thank you Richard Kelly.)

:)

Charles Dickens tells us "every heart is a profound mystery to the heart beating nearest to it."

The type of day where I wish Harley were here to have in depth talks about the cutstrips of philosophy and what not. To rant about the why of life and to feel like someone understands me. I'm really sleepy. here we go:

and then, one day, you’ll meet a boy. a boy who smells like an ashtray and looks like a spiderweb.
 tastes like the rain, and sounds like a thunderstorm. highly transcendental, either the highest or lowest form of being you’ve seen.
 maybe even ever. maybe he’s forever. in time, it will become apparent that you are his.
 that he has this whole great plan in his beautiful brain, in his sunset skull. he’s got the whole wide world wrapped around his index finger, long and skeletal, in control. he won’t call you.
and he’ll rarely ever answer when you call him. but you’ll keep trying. because you’re stuck with the feeling that not one person knew him like you did.
not one being gave him what you did. this is what they all think. everyone feels this deep connection.
 but the look in his eyes, its so detached. and you just want to fix it. but then you start to wonder, was he really ever there at all?
 and then you’re left with an apparition, that smells like an ashtray and looks like a spiderweb, tastes like rain and sounds like a thunderstorm. met a boy who wasn’t there, with knots in his bones and knots in his hair.
 he never knew you, and he never cared.

overanalyzed perplexity.

woah a lot happened this weekend. On saturday my best friends Tori and Harley and I set out along to no return(i wish) to Fredericksburg VA. We saw our boys "hoes and housewives" preform. At first we felt a little weird and awkward because nobody moshes to the first band-__- but we DGAF. :) It was a lot of fun supporting our boys and showing people how to really move at a show. The thing I love about Harley and Tori is that there's no drama. No confusion. It's just us, and we forget about all our worries and just live when we're together. We do things together i'd never do alone. When we're at concerts and the breakdown's immense and we're just moshing unaware of our presence but still feeling amazing. It's an ineffably incredible experience. I look back in hindsight and it just seems soo..extraordinary, you know, that we could meet so many people, and form a bond with them through the passion of music. I love Tori's positive attitude and friendly demeanor, she's so accepting, I could talk to her for hours, and never get bored. She's an amazing sister;) and an incredible friend. <3 I love Harley's passion and enthusiasm towards life. I love that she looks into the depths of things and really understands the world. she doesn't care what anyone thinks, and just goes for what she wants,she's the most alive person I know. we spent the rest of the day moshing and grinding;) and being little groupies that we are. On the ride home we jammed/moshed/twerked to every song on the radio. Such a good time. And Jacob's band is awesome:D We chilled at Harley's house for a while,and then went to mine, we chilled with jacob and eric and charles and moshed/grinded and twerked some more. Laurel came over around eleven and chilled with us some, then we went to Party All Night which was okay, trippin' when Green asked if I was on X. hahaha. Orange was a blast. Harley and I kept joking around about the crue. :) It was really interesting when Laurel showed up because time slowed..sounds weird. But it seems like whenever im around her time slows, it's so surreal. almost feels too real. Like i'm being pulled into a story i'm not directing. ineffable. After party all night we went to my house and talked a little,Laurel went home, and tori and harley and I laughed and talked til like 7. The weekend ended with work the next day. But it was all beautiful.

OH WANTED TO GIVE A SHOUTOUT TO LAUREN BERKELEY,YOU'RE AMAZING. WE'RE HAVING AN AWESOME CONVO RIGHT NOW. I LOVE YOU.

It's crazy, it's looney..my body's at war and my heart doesn't know what i'm fighting for.

Thoughts:
I really want to talk to you, i've never been so.. intrigued by another before....why is this so difficult!? I've never had trouble talking to anyone else...
I can't wait for this Saturday fnuenvchfvnc9oqrf385 I hope Harley can go to the show!
This weekend should be fun...
I'm soooo done with school.
I just want to travel and be a groupie. lol.
I fell out of love with the person who taught me how to love..should I bring the feelings back?
I miss you.